Watch Your Language

One night we were sitting around the dinner table telling jokes. My high school daughter said she had a good joke that was bad. Of course, my wife's female DNA kicked in and she told my daughter that she better not tell the joke. Of course, my hard-wired, male DNA kicked in too and kept telling me that there was no such thing as a bad joke (as long as it is good).

So not wanting to look cowardly in front of the children, I waited until my wife left the dining room and promptly told my daughter to tell the joke. She did. It went like this:

How do get an elephant into a Safeway store?
How?
You take the "s" out of "safe" and the "f" out of "way."
I don't get it. There is no "f" in "way."
Exactly.

After a few minutes, the joke dawned on me. Always willing to share my fatherly wisdom with the other kids, I explained why the joke was funny. Even after my succinct explanation, my 12-year old son did not get it. But if everyone else thought it was funny, he decided he would put it in his joke repertoire.

Unfortunately, the first time he pulled it out of his repertoire was at a Boy Scout meeting sponsored by the local church. He told it to another 12-year old boy, whom I will call John Wilson. John's parents consider the Puritans a little liberal for their tastes and pretty lax on moral issues. John did not get a PlayStation for Christmas, but probably a buggy whip.

I don't know how well my son delivered the joke, but John got it. But his parents must of had his male DNA surgically removed because John did not think the joke was funny at all. He promptly ran to the scoutmaster and tattled on my son for using inappropriate language in a church building.

Seeing an opportunity to solve a problem and/or assert his authority (I'll find out shortly, see next paragraph), the Scoutmaster marched on over to my son and demanded, "Tell me what you just told John." Being obedient by nature and still not getting the joke, my son responded,

"There is no 'f' in 'way.'"

Tonight I have to meet with the church leaders and the scout leaders to "discuss" this "situation." Being a good father, I will explain to them that it was not my son's fault. It was my wife's fault for leaving the dining room.