Mormon Church Hierarchy

My kids came home with definitions of various orchestra members. I made a few adaptations.

A Close and Factual Look at the Mormon Church’s Local Leadership System

Stake President
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
Is more powerful than a locomotive.
Is faster than a speeding bullet.
Walks on water.
Gives policy to god.

Stake President’s Counselor
Leaps short buildings in a single bound.
Is more powerful than a switch engine.
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.
Walks on water if the sea is calm.
Talks with god.

High Councilor
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine.
Is almost as fast as a speeding bullet.
Walks on water on an indoor swimming pool.
Talks with god if special request is approved.

Bishop
Makes mark high on a wall when trying to clear short buildings.
Loses a tug-of-war with a locomotive.
Can fire a speeding bullet.
Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by god.

Young Men/Young Women President
Barely clears a tool shed.
Gets run over by locomotives.
Can sometimes handle a gun without injuring self.
Dog-paddles.
Has interesting conversations with animals.

Primary President
Runs into buildings.
Recognizes locomotives two times out of three.
Is not issued ammunition.
Can stay afloat with a life jacket.
Talks to walls, argues with self.

Sunday School President
Too lazy to attempt getting up, let alone any sort of leap.
Drives the locomotive.
Stole some ammunition for fun. Though he has no gun.
Must wear floaties on both arms.
Doesn't believe in God.

Elder’s Quorum President
Falls over self trying to climb into bed.
Says, "Look, a choo-choo."
Doesn't even get a water pistol.
Plays in mud puddles.
Loses arguments with self.

Relief Society President
Lifts buildings and walks under them.
Kicks locomotives off the tracks.
Catches speeding bullets in teeth and eats them.
Freezes water with a single glance.
Is God.