Almost Famous

Recently, my daughter received a brochure from Tufts University. I told her that it would sure be nice if she went to the State college because then we could see her on the weekends once in awhile. This is a Dad-speak for, "Both your freakin' parents have to be freakin' doctors if you want to go to Tufts." Which brings me to my subject: Peter Yanowitz. Peter went to the same high school as me and did go to Tufts. Yes that is right, both of his parents were freakin' doctors.

Peter was the kind of guy who would smuggle hardware out of shop class (i.e. nuts, bolts, nails, washers), and then he would go around and ask a girl if she would like a screw, quickly holding out his hand with a screw in it. I went to high school in Salt Lake City, so the answer was always no. When the girl said, "no," he would hold out his other hand and say, "Could you at least hold my nuts?"

Peter was very popular. In fact, he was elected to be a cheerleader. He wowed the electorate with his cheer of "1-2-3-4-5, Skyline Eagles don't take no jive."

Wondering what happened to old Peter, I did what someone with too much time on his hands does, I googled him.

To date, my biggest claim to fame was that I sat next to Miss America's sister in my History class. But now, it seems Peter has formed an almost famous rock group called Morningwood. As I understand it, they have signed with an independent label. To my understanding, independent label is a euphemism for, "the bandmembers have rich parents willing to subsidize their children's music careers." It also seems that Peter has borrowed from his creative genius of 1-2-3-4-5 and written another cheer, er song, where an overweight cheerleader, er lead singer, repeatedly spells out M-O-R-N-I-N-G-W-O-O-D. Hey, this style appealed to teenagers in Utah, why not a larger audience?

Having seen Peter in the locker room, I can understand why he would call his band Morningwood. Wishful thinking on his part. If you tattooed the name of his band right below his circumcision, it would simply say M-O-R. If he is a stark realist, he will pen a song called M-O-R-P-L-E-A-S-E.

Morningwood's lead singer reminds me of Sue Ball, but that is another story.

It also seems that Peter has changed his name to Pedro. My guess is that it had something to do with a girl. The name change actually reminds me of a joke Peter used to tell in high school. It went something like this (I adapted it a little):

Peter is riding a bus in downtown L.A. to his next drum tryout when a mouthwatering blonde gets on, sits down, and just starts bawling. Peter leans over and says, "What's wrong? Can I help?"
The blonde lets out, "I just got back from my shrink and she gave me very bad news."
"What did she say?"
"She said I was a nymphomaniac."
"What is so bad about that?" Asks Peter, now very interested.
"What so bad is that I am only attracted to Jewish men."
"I'm Jewish," says Peter, now very hopeful.
"But they have to be Jewish men from Mexico. Where am I going to find a Jewish man from Mexico? Hey, I feel bad telling you my big sob story. What is your name, anyway?"
"Pedro Yanowitz."

Well, that is my brush with fame. Rock on Peter, er Pedro!

Ode to Britney Spears

Has been calling to her faraway fans
Her bore-dom declared-and the bars closed down
Has Been calling to the underworld
Come out of the cupboard, all you boys and girls
Has Been calling, now don't look at us
All that phoney Britney-mania has bitten the dust
Has Been calling, see she ain't got no swing'
Cept for the ring of that baby-fat thing

CHORUS

The ice age is coming, the sun is zooming in
Hits have stop coming and the act is growing thin
Another career error, but I have no fear
Has Been is drowning-and I live by the river

Has Been calling to the imitation zone
Forget it, sister, an' go it alone
Has Been calling upon the groupie of death
Quit holding out-and draw another breath
Has Been calling-and she don't wanna shout
But when she was talking-I saw you sneaking out
Has Been calling, see she got no more highs
Except for her fans waving good-bye

CHORUS

Now get this
Has Been calling, yeah, I was there, too
An' you know what they said?
Well, some of it was true!
Has Been calling at the top of the dial
After all this, won't you give us a smile?

I never felt so much a' drunk, a’ drunk, a’ drunk